One of the basic human needs is for security. Many people do not cross the boundary to unfamiliar trying to avoid disappointment and pain. Being in the boundaries of the known can be also hurtful, but we are kind of accustomed to such pain. Our strongest fear is the fear from unexpected pain. One of most common biases is stopping us to enjoy good things in our lives making us believe that once we are happy and joyful we will stop being alerted for coming dangers and it will make us vulnerable to unexpected problems.
The inability to relax, enjoy the good in our lives and obey to the fear of the unknown is one of the greatest sins we commit to our health and happiness.

Why we fear the unexpected surprises?

• First, we lack confidence in our abilities to cope with unknown situations
• Second – our lack of faith in the Abundance of the Universe and lack of belief that whatever happens is for a greater reason for us to learn and grow.

When we build upon consciously upon the belief in ourselves and in the Universe abundance, we will be in a position to live a life of happiness and fulfillment.

Having said that, our unprompted response to unpleasant news will still be irritation, pain, disappointment or anger, but this is normal and it will not be long lasting. The negative feelings will fade away quickly and in their place our growth mindset will accept the situation as lesson to be learnt. We will be able to find solutions and connect with people helping our prosperity.

Researches show that our happiness significantly increases if we switch from controlling others to controlling our own emotions

If we succeed in changing our inner state and way of thinking of overly-controlling others, our anxiety about the future will be replaced by inner peace and comfort. Just then we will be led by our confidence in the abundance of the Universe entering new territories of professional and personal success.

The new things provoke temporary discomfort, but in the long run give us numerous benefits:

• add new skills and knowledge
• unleash our potential
• help us to avoid routine, boredom and stagnation, making us flexible and adding zest for life
• facilitate overcoming our fears, which naturally boosts the self-esteem and consciousness.

All the above mentioned benefits are closely related to the level of our happiness. The happy people are also healthier because of the positive effect the hormones of happiness have on our body and mind. Measuring the level of these hormones in the blood is a biological indicator of the level of happiness that scientists use in their researches.

How to change our thinking and behavior:

• get acquainted with the happiness researches’ results
• regularly reminding ourselves this information and making it our priority
• visiting Emotional Intelligence trainings, seminars, workshops, consultations with specialists and reading books on this topic.

At such seminars and events, we also have the opportunity to meet people who have already made this change from grasping familiarity and desire for over-controlling the external environment to achieving inner peace and trust in themselves and in the Universe Abundance. Communicating with such people further strengthens our motivation to grow, to work on our inner state and to change in a positive, healthy way.

• Look for the answer of the question: Which things can I control and which ones do not depend on me? We can influence other people's behavior but cannot control it. It is our responsibility to set limits in the relations with others, to defend ourselves, and if somebody is disrespectful or mean to us, then it is in our hands to stop communication with this person.

• Make a list of your fears you have and their negative effect on you – realize how they ruin your dreams and prevent you reaching your goals. Think about how you can prepare yourself to make true your dreams and goals, write down concrete actions, set realistic deadlines, share with friends you trust and go for it step by step. Ask yourself if what you dream to achieve will nurture and rejoice your soul and your authentic nature, or you want it mainly because of your ego and the notion that you will prove it to others. Trust in the Universe abundance and start believing that if your dream is meant to happen, it will once you do the things that depend on you. If it did not, then it was not part of your way or it was not the right thing for you.

Changing our internal attitude is a long process and we will face progress gradually not at once. There may be backslides, but it is important that we keep moving on.

We should not give up if you we moments of returning to old habits and attitudes. In such cases we should have self-compassion and do what we already know is needed for a healthy and happy lifestyle.

New attitudes and patterns of behavior need regular practice to become healthy habits. Our brain is very flexible. Neuroscience proves it. We can make this change no matter how old we are. This is a scientifically proven fact. With each repetition of the patterns of thinking and behavior, we strengthen the neural connections in our brains that manage these new and healthy patterns and it becomes our natural attitude towards ourselves, our lives and the world.

Author: Maryia Vassileva Dimitrova